laowlaowpantz

i’m dying.

so i go to the doctors cause the sick hasn’t gone away.  (it’s been two weeks.)  she places her hands on my neck and says "woah, you’re hot!"  i take off my shirt and she does the whole stethiscope (sp?) thing.  she asks me what i’ve been choughing up and the colour.  i tell her booger colour.  she takes my temperature.  it blasts to forty degrees.  she asks if i smoke.  i say YUP!  she tells me i got pneumonia.  i go for an x-ray and indeed, i do have pneumonia.

i didn’t even know you can still get pneumonia.  didn’t beethoven die of pneumonia?  i told the lady i had pneumonia and she hugged me like it was the last time.  she’s good like that.

WHAT IS PNEUMONIA?

Pneumonia is an inflammation of the lung caused by infection with bacteria, viruses, and other organisms. Pneumonia is usually triggered when a patient’s defense system is weakened, most often by a simple viral upper respiratory tract infection or a case of influenza. Such infections or other triggers do not cause pneumonia directly but they alter the mucous blanket, thus encouraging bacterial growth. Other factors can also make specific people susceptible to bacterial growth and pneumonia.

(excerpt from: reuters health)

everyone in my house and work  know why i got pneumonia.  i was black-out drunk every day for like two-weeks.  since christmas.  every morning waking up in a different part of my house.  missing a sock.  losing my shirt.  getting weird vibes from the lady.  oddly enough, i never woke up with a hangover.  so i felt i was invincible.  i ate good, but i guess it didn’t balance out.  a mickey of brandy or a bottle of wine a night ain’t good for you.  that combined with smoking unfiltered pouch tobacco.  anyway, enough about my favorite bad habits.

here’s a list of famous deaths by pneumonia:

- US president william henry harrison

- russian novelist leo tolstoy

- big band leader lawrence welk

- actor charles bronson

- writer and director billy wilder

- 19th century sharpshooter calamity jane

- composer franz liszt

- dutch painter piet mondrian

- jim backus the dude who played mr. magoo and thursten j. howell iii

and many, many more.

some of these folk were only sick for a week.  luckily i got anti-biotics.

don’t fuck with your body.  you might die.

now stroll before i cough up some nasty up on you.

-mlv

so this is the one where i try and write even though i really don’t feel like it.  but it’s just about time.

i ain’t gotta explain in detail the shittiness involved with being sick.  i brought this upon myself.  my indestructible liver is failing.  my immune system is shot.  and now, i might as well be shot.  i’m useless.  (women know this:  when dude’s are sick, they aren’t really that sick.  but they milk it cause it’s the only time they get to act like they’re 5). 

my lady is just loving sick-manuel.  waking up pissed for no reason.  hating life.  hating her.  blowing my nose.  feeling fine for about five minutes.  crawling back to her so i can lie in her titties and ask her to make me breakfast.  i’m a horrible boy.  she’s a wonderful woman.   

anyway.  falling asleep on her titties and acting like an absolute twat is a fair trade for sitting through a few episodes of ONE TREE HILL (season 2).  i’m sure she is going to cash in those chips as soon as she walks through the door.  i’m not excited.

in other news.  my unbridled confidence has simmered down and only seems to boil over when i’m drunk on the brandy outside the club.  you should see me.  you never wanted to punch such a cute guy in the nose so bad.  reality has seeped in to my disillusioned state during the days though.  just after new years i felt like i could make your girlfriend and her mother cry and faint with a wink.  now i’m waking up in the morning, going to take a piss, and laughing when i look down at my ‘filipinoness’.  but it’s not just the lack of bulge that irks me.

it is really easy to set goals.  it’s super easy to be ambitious.  i’ve been ambitious all my life.  it’s been a struggle.  if you’re not a success, you’re a disappointment.  i’ve succeeded, disappointingly, in achieving nothing for a long time.  but over the holidays it was like GOD was speaking to me.  i found my ‘thing’ . . . finally.  here’s a brief description of what happens when you have an epiphany:

you’re eyes light up and people notice that "you know some shit".

you smirk ironically on the regular, cause you do indeed KNOW SOME SHIT.

you can do no wrong.  anything that you do or say is flawless and beautiful.

you renounce drugs cause you are certain that nothing can beat this feeling.

you spend money like you intend on going broke, cause you know you’ll make it all back.

your penis grows about an inch or your nipples become the perfect tint.

you go to a party and the crowd looks like a field of peach trees and you’re in the mood for eating peaches.

you wonder why you ever fussed over your wardrobe cause now you can pull off anything.

you tell everyone you get into a conversation with that you’re gonna be rich and how.

you smoke a couple bong loads and hit earth.

you rationalize a new reason to do drugs again.

you realize that now you gotta act on your claims.

you realize it isn’t gonna be as easy as you made it out to be.

you realize that you’re a fool for being so in the sky. 

you actually gotta get off your ass.

you’re lucky you got a chick that makes you wanna stay home and you’re lucky that you’re a brilliant ass mofo.

that is more than i wanted to say.  thanks for reading.

now fuck off.  i’m sick.

-mlv